This Ain't Calculus

My wife is due in less than three weeks. Less than 21 days.

Yikes.

To say that I’m personally unprepared is an understatement. Now, don’t’ get me wrong here. I’m an engineer by trade, so preparation and organization is what I do. Our checklists are completed, items have been purchased and assembled, and the closet is stocked with diapers. I’m confident that our home, nursery, and all the required “stuff” is ready to rock (likely overly-ready-to-rock). Stuff-wise, I feel like we could bring home half a dozen babies and not need to buy a thing, but mentally, that’s a different story.

I’m usually calm, collected, and practical. I plan, I rehearse, and when the time comes for most things, I’m sure I can deliver. I’m the kind of guy that rehearses presentations and buys adequate life insurance. I’m confident. I perform well under pressure. That’s why this baby is beating me up. Sure, I’d like to think that I’m mentally prepared for this kid, and I think I do a pretty good job of convincing my wife that we should feel comfortable and ready (and we should!), but deep down I know that I’m personally not even close. What’s worse is that I know even with infinite planning, I'll never be totally prepared and that scares me. I’m not used to that at all.

It’s just that the consequences seem so extreme to me. If I botch a presentation or mess up at work, it’s fixable. If I bang up the car or burn down the house, they’re replaceable. But with this kid, I get one shot to get it right. No do-overs. No mulligans. If I mess him up, it’s permanent. Not only for my wife and I, but for the rest of his life too. That’s absolutely terrifying.

I’ve got the mechanics down. I know how to change a diaper; I know how to operate the carseat. I know how to carry him and I know what to look for when he’s ill. But, how do I know what to say and when to say it? How do I know what to teach and how to teach it? What if I teach him the wrong thing? What if I’m already out-of-touch with today’s kids? How do I even know if I mess up?

This is way out of my comfort zone. I like well-defined answers. Every calculus problem has one correct answer. One. Every design has one optimum. One. Every manufacturing process has one maximum efficiency. One. With this baby, there isn’t one answer, and that unbelievably frustrating.

I need a single solution. An optimum. A perfect plan of what to do and when to do it. It’s pretty obvious I’m not going to get it.

Maybe this is why I hated all those liberal arts classes in college; I need a right answer.

As always, any and all advice would be appreciated.

YFNN

Captain Safety Glasses

I wear safety glasses a lot.

My new job has me wearing them most of the day, except for when I'm in my office. It's the metal chips and hot plastic and such. A piece of lava-hot polyethylene in the eye would be a surefire way to ruin your day. So, we wear safety glasses. I think it's a great idea.

At home, I wear them quite a bit, too. Whacking weeds, grinding lawnmower blades and sanding boards are all occasions that I think require safety glasses. So is changing the smoke detector (paint and plaster chips HURT!), changing oil in my car, and any soldering work. I even make my wife wear them when she's spraying siding wash or weedkiller (she hates me for that). From my point view, you just never know when a gust of wind or a stream splashback is going to give you a face full of Roundup. Is it so wrong to want to prevent that from blinding my one and only?

Maybe it's because I wear contacts and even the tiniest piece of trash in my eye hurts feels like a rusty steak knife. Maybe it's because I used to manage a lab and machine shop where I've seen the pain and damage that a tiny sliver of copper can do. Maybe it's because over two thousand eye injuries occur everyday and over 90% of them are preventable with safety glasses . Maybe it's because I'm just a total nerd.

Regardless, I'm definitely cool with wearing them. They're cheap, nearly unbreakable, and I don't wear glasses, so doing the whole double-glasses thing isn't a problem.

I am jealous of the guys at work that just wear their regular glasses and some clip-on side-shields, though. Those things are slick.

YFNN (aka Captain Safety Glasses)

Nerd vs. Manly-Man, Part Two

The weather is getting warm in my part of the country, which means motorcycle time for YFNN. So, I spent a good portion of the afternoon on Saturday prepping my main motorcycle (not the restoration one) for another riding season. I pulled off the cover, disconnected the battery trickle charger and wiped away the small amount of dust that had accumulated on some of the bodywork. Just seeing the bike shine in the fluorescent lights of my garage after a four month hiatus got me feeling all tingly.

I wheeled the white and silver two-wheeler into the center of the garage bay and got it up on a stand so I could do some checks. I noticed that my license plate sticker was almost expired, so I retrieved the new 2008 one from the safe and I went through my routine spring inspection:

- change the oil and filter
- check the air cleaner
- check tires for flaws and check pressures
- check the drivebelt
- bleed the brakes
- check all bulbs and switches
- wrench-check all critical fasteners

Once all that was done, I filled it with some fresh 93 octane and pressed the 'engine start' button. It fired up on the first crank with no leaks and no unusual sounds. Then I took it around the cul-de-sac a couple of times to check the operation of the clutch, gearbox, suspension and brakes. No problems were found, so I deemed the bike ready to rock and roll for the spring.

After my little test-ride, I pulled back into the garage and shut the bike down. I looked back through the open garage door and the weather outside was absolutely gorgeous: 55 degress and sunny with little wind; for a cold-weather wuss like me, it was perfect for the first ride of the year. My eyes slid over to the leather jacket and gloves hanging on the garage wall, then to my selection of helmets. I was already anticipating the rush of acceleration accompanied by the glorious sound of a big-bore V-twin at wide-open throttle and I could still smell the freshly burned gasoline in the air. Manly-man personality was kicking in hard and I wanted to go for a country ride badly.

But, my more nerdy side quickly brought manly-man to a screeching halt.

During the winter, I de-activate all insurance on the motorcycles except for comprehensive coverage. I don't ride November through February, so it saves me a couple bucks a year to do the de-activation/re-activation dance once a year. Since it had been cold and snowy recently, I hadn't yet thought to contact my insurance agent to re-activate my insurance on the motorcycles. To make it worse, it was Saturday so I couldn't make a quick phone call to my agent to get the job done. The last thing I want is to get into an accident and not be covered by insurance, so my riding for the day was painfully limited to the four minute stint around the cul-de-sac.

Sunday was beautiful, too. Sometimes nature is so cruel.

Sigh.

YFNN

Nerd vs. Manly-Man, Part One

MLB and I went to a wedding this past Saturday. It was a nice wedding with a nice reception, but that's not the reason for this post. While having a lovely discussion with a couple that runs in MLB's crowd, I learned of a plot of land for sale about 40 miles away from the current YFNN homestead.

In the past, MLB and I have discussed building a house in the future on a 2-5 acre plot, within 30 minutes of downtown big-city, but it's never really gone anywhere. Mostly because it's a lot of work to find a plot like that around here, we can’t buy it with cash at this particular moment in time, and neither of us are all that committed to it right now.

However, This particular plot sounds like it's a pretty solid fit for our future homestead goals. It's about two acres of grassy land seated about 20 miles outside of the downtown of our large city. It's just outside the city limits of a nearby upscale suburb, has easy access to major highways, is within the limits of city water and sewer, and in a good school district. The plot is free of structures, except for a recently built (1998 construction) two-story 1400 square-foot 4-car garage with finished second floor. We're certainly not ready to build yet, but the property seems to be listed at a very good price, and from what we've found out, the seller is motivated (divorce, etc.).

Now, re-read that last paragraph. Did you catch the "important to YFNN" part? Those that know me certainly did.

Let me be a little more descriptive regarding the "important to YFNN" part.

This structure is a two-door, 1400 square-foot 4-car garage already supplied with 100-amp electric service, city water and sewer, and equipped with heating and cooling. The lower level's got a slab concrete floor with floor drains, and is currently in use as a woodworking shop for the current owner. The second floor is fully finished with a full bath and living area.

…

Oh baby.

…

So, that leaves me in a bit of a quandary. Do MLB and I make a grab for this property even though we're not financially prepared (we can't buy it outright, but I'm pretty sure we can afford it fairly easily), and we're not ready to build a house, yet? Do we want to take on additional property taxes, even though we won't really be using the property in the next couple of years? Do we even want to consider such a impulsive decision?

To be honest, MLB and I haven't even discussed this thoroughly yet. She may be just going along with it for right now, letting me fret and calculate and analyze and estimate for a while. In her mind, this may be completely wrong for our long term plans.

I'm a firm believer in collecting data, analyzing what you collect, planning, meticulously preparing, and slowly making decisions based on sound analysis and logic. But, man oh man, do my knees ever get weak at the idea of a huge climate-controlled garage and shop with a second floor office, room for an automotive lift, and enough space between me and the neighbors to fire up a racecar or loud motorcycle in the middle of the night.

My analytical and painstakingly-detailed inner nerd is battling with my gasoline-powered, chest-thumping inner manly-man!

Help!

YFNN